lost
by sruoh
Summary: "She was more than that! She was more than a good soldier. Mikasa, she-"


_I don't like how it turned out but oh well. I needed to get this out of my system._

_also warning for major character death._

_I do not own snk ect ect_

* * *

He looked down at his hands. They clutched the scarf that was ever so carefully placed into them. It was red, impossibly so; caked in blood and splattered with dirt, he didn't recognize it at first glance. Eren furrowed his eyebrows and looked back up.

Levi was in front of him, being the one who handed him the scarf in the first place. His face was stoic and hard as always, but his eyes looked almost sad. He turned his head to the right, and noticed his friends. Some were crying, while some carried an almost pitying look. He looked to his left, and noted the people he weren't close with carried a similar expression.

He also noticed that Mikasa wasn't in either group.

It was strange, being handed her scarf. Knowing her, she would probably be frantic looking for it. Even though it originally belonged to him, it was just silly that they were to hand it to him instead of her.

Everyone was quiet. It was like they weren't even breathing. The only sound Eren was aware of was his own heartbeat while the trees rustled softly.

The breeze was cold and bitter.

"Where's Mikasa? I see you guys were too afraid to approach her yourself if you're giving me this." He said, his tone was light and almost joking. It was unbearably out of place that even he cringed.

The only reply he received was a loud sob that almost sounded like it came from Sasha, and the hushed tones of Jean that he could hardly make out.

He looked back down at the blood soaked scarf that was starting to stain his fingers. He vaguely thought why it was like that, but dismissed it as Mikasa being careless and getting it dirty. She was always rather reckless, even more so than when she was younger.

Which was sort of alright with him, she could take care of herself.

She was strong.

"C'mon guys, seriously, where is she?"

He laughed nervously. No one laughed back. The silence was deafening and the few sounds that escaped those who did not do well with hiding their emotions roared in his ears.

He became frantic.

Eren twisted around, scarf cradled close to his body. All he saw were people who wouldn't dare look him in the eye, who didn't answer him, who gave him those pitying looks he despised.

A hand shocked him out of his daze. He didn't realize that his breathing was heavy, that his heart was pounding and that he was starting to shake ever so slightly. He knew for a fact it wasn't the cold.

He turned to look. It was Armin. His eyes were red but his face was blank. It scared him, honestly. He's never seen Armin like this before. It looks like he's trying to bite back any show of emotion, it was so very odd, so very out of character and he's starting to feel afraid.

"I'm sorry Eren but-"

His breath hitched. The scarf was starting to burn his fingers and his eyes darted to the faces of those who surrounded him. They didn't say a word, but their faces spoke loud and clear what had happened.

He couldn't breathe.

Armin's voiced cracked, just slightly. Eren wasn't looking directly at him, but he could see the _drip, drip, drip _of the tears hitting the ground. It was mesmerizing. He almost missed the next few words, and he wished he did.

"Mikasa she- she's…" Armin couldn't even force the words out in a professional matter; he barely choked it out as his hand dropped away from Eren's shoulders.

"She's dead."

Eren's hand loosened, his body had gone completely still and the scarf fluttered down to his feet. Around him, everyone started talking in a low hum. Few were crying, while others commented on how they lost one of humanities greatest soldier.

Eren, of course, lost more than that. He lost a sister and a friend and someone he-

He wailed. Long and drawn out, it sounded like it came from an animal. He fell to his knees and he understood what that old lady had felt when he was just a child.

It came to him like a shock, like a wave.

He regrets the moments where he didn't wish that Mikasa was by his side, where she would just lay off him for a while. Now all he wanted was for her to come up to him and ask him if he were okay.

He wasn't okay, after all.

Eren could feel Levi behind him, staring down at the boy who looked so completely lost.

"We couldn't recover a body. The only thing we found was the scarf." Levi spoke, his voice sharp against the others, and everyone quieted down. "What a shame, she had so much potential. She was, after all-"

Eren punched the ground, and Levi stopped, looking startled.

"She was more than that! She was more than a good soldier. Mikasa, she-" He took in a shuddering breath but his tears wouldn't stop so he stared at the scarf near his hands, not even bothering to touch it. His voice softened, as he recalled fond memories. "She hated the colour red. Ironic, because she wore a red scarf, but she hated it. Her favourite colour was green however. Her favourite story was about a mermaid who fell in love with a human man. She loved the rain, but hated thunder. She adored birds and her favourite season was spring. She looked hard on the outside but on the inside she was caring and loving and oh god was she beautiful and I-"

Eren stopped. He didn't realize he had rambled on, but at that moment, he realized something. He made this mistake before, losing someone and regretting what he said. This time, he was losing someone and regretting what he didn't say. He lowered his head and wept.

"I loved her."


End file.
